By Kokui Tamakloe, Accra, for Sankofaonline: July 11,2025
When relationships end—whether after a short-lived romance or a years-long marriage—there’s a tendency to search for someone to blame. More often than not, that blame lands squarely on the shoulders of the male partner. Society has made it easy to paint him as the antagonist: emotionally unavailable, prideful, dismissive. He becomes the symbol of what went wrong.
But amid the fallout, in those quiet moments of grief and reflection, a more courageous path beckons: self-accountability.
What if, instead of leaning into the familiar narratives of heartbreak, women asked themselves a question both difficult and necessary—Did I contribute to the breakdown of this relationship? That inquiry isn’t a surrender. It’s a radical act of maturity.
We know how easy it is to recount his faults: the attitude, the ego, the deaf ears, the moments of disrespect. But healing, real healing, isn’t born from pointing fingers—it’s born from peering inward. Was there a moment our words cut deeper than they should have? Did our silence, rather than engage, alienate? Were we clinging to the need to be “right,” even as harmony frayed?
And then there’s the subtle erosion: those tiny lies we told ourselves, the stubborn refusal to compromise, the independence that occasionally masked emotional withdrawal. Feminism, for example, is a beautiful call for equity, but in some instances, has our assertion of power morphed unintentionally into domination?
This is not about abandoning the legitimate grievances we’ve endured. Many women have carried unspeakable emotional loads, endured betrayals, and faced systemic inequalities that their partners may never fully understand. But accountability doesn’t diminish our pain—it deepens our understanding and sharpens our growth.
To normalize healing, we must normalize accountability. A failed relationship is rarely the fault of one person alone. A culture that encourages women to embrace their strength must also create space for them to embrace their humanity—flaws and all.
Perfection is a myth no one, male or female, can claim. Mistakes are part of the human fabric. Owning them doesn’t reduce our value—it elevates it. In doing so, we reclaim our power not by rewriting history, but by learning from it. We make peace with the past and pave the way for healthier, more honest relationships ahead.
So, to every woman brave enough to ask that hard question—your reflection may sting, but it also heals. It is in that mirror, cracked but revealing, that wisdom awaits.
