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Getting to Know Your Clitoris

You can access pleasure and achieve comfort with your sexual anatomy when you learn to love your clitoris.

How well do you know your anatomy and your ability to respond sexually?Many women feel discomfort or embarrassment when it comes to their anatomy and sexual response. To take control of our sexual selves and    our orgasms, though, we need to get comfortable looking at our female parts and touching them so that we can learn where everything is and what makes us feel good.

A good way to start is to get familiar with your clitoris, as this hot spot can hold the key to your sexual pleasure. If you haven’t yet familiarized yourself with this little pleasure button, consider the following tips:

  • Take some you-only    moments.    Find a place and time when you can be    alone and are truly able to         enjoy and explore yourself, such as in the bathtub or in your    bedroom when everyone’s at work or school, or after the kids are asleep. Set    the scene to help yourself get in the    mood. It might feel silly to “romance”     yourself, but you will be more likely to reach orgasm if you light some candles    and play some mood music. Do    whatever you can to add to the general    mood of seduction and love.
  • Start with the mental    foreplay. It’s always great to have some “go-to” fantasies at your disposal. This way, you can cull through your mental Rolodex whenever you have the time or inclination to self-stimulate. These fantasies can be as wild as you prefer, whether it’s about your sexy next-door neighbor, a gorgeous celebrity, or even a long-ago ex. Nothing is off-limits in the fantasy realm.
  • Let your fingers do the    walking.    With    these sexy images, thoughts, and     fantasies    at the front of your mind,    it’s time to move on to physical    foreplay. Start slow by exploring your whole body, stroking, squeezing, or    massaging your breasts and/or nipples,    stroking all the erogenous zones you    can reach, running your fingers along your inner thighs and labia, and finally    stimulating your clitoris. Use your    index finger to lightly begin applying    pressure to your clitoris, slowly and rhythmically rubbing yourself. As you    begin to get more aroused, you can    intensify your pressure and speed up.

Masturbation is good for your sex life because it helps inform you about your own sexual response and also keeps you “in the zone” — as do sexual fantasies, which put you in an amorous frame of mind, as they help you stay in touch with your inner vixen.

Most importantly, masturbation will keep you in touch with your clitoris and the rest of    your sexual anatomy, which means that you will be able to show your partner all the types of strokes and touches you enjoy.

Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to sexual enjoyment! The more you generate and enjoy sexual energy, the more is produced. And the more connected you are to the sensuality of your body, the more sexual and attractive you will feel…. Especially if you and your partner can both be open and secure with masturbation for yourself and for each other.

          Last Updated: 01/08/2013
Laura Berman, PhD, is a leading sex and relationship educator and therapist, popular TV and radio host, New York Times best-selling author, and assistant clinical professor of ob-gyn and psychiatry at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University in Chicago.